Here’s a list of the worst things you’ve done this year.
Driving a Porsche with a full tank of gas and a broken radiator.
This happened to me a couple of years ago and I ended up getting a busted radiator, and had to pay about $1,000 for a new one.
Wearing a T-shirt that said “I don’t care about you.”
This one has gotten worse in the last few months.
Lying to your mother.
This one was even worse than driving a Porsche.
Giving your dad the middle finger.
Giving the middle-finger to a friend.
This year, this happened to my dad, who I’m sure is a little bit offended.
Trying to sneak into a bar without a ticket.
This was a bit of an issue this year, but I still managed to get in. 7.
Losing your virginity in public.
This isn’t something you want to do. 8.
Trying out for the Miss America pageant.
This is the kind of thing that happens to a lot of women.
Being a jerk to a woman in public without any provocation.
Taking advantage of your female friends for money.
I’ve had plenty of opportunities to get away with this in the past, but this year I was lucky enough to get an internship.
Trying on outfits and then being called an ‘in-joke.’
This year was particularly painful.
Faking an injury to impress a girl.
Failing to use condoms.
Getting drunk at a bar and getting punched in the face.
Using an app to access sex toys without telling anyone.
This time, it was a woman at a party.
Calling someone a ‘bitch’ and then threatening to “spit in their face.”
Putting your hands up to your ears when someone tells you to shut up. 18.
Being drunk at work and trying to get a woman’s phone number.
Taking a shot at someone in a restaurant.
Taking photos of your genitals while in a bar.
Wishing someone a good night.
Fisting another person.
Getting into a fight and trying, and failing, to control it. 24.
Filing for divorce.
Taking out a restraining order against someone you don’t know.
Fucking a prostitute.
Giving an unwanted date a blowjob.
Felling someone down by calling them a ‘c**t.’
Filling your ears with a beer.
Being called a ‘faggot.’
Giving a woman your phone number and then trying to blackmail her.
Calling a man a ‘dog.’
Folding your hands behind your back while trying to steal a woman.
Calling your ex a ‘n****r.’
Giving away your phone without telling her the full name of the company you work for.
Fapping your hand on someone’s crotch.
Trying your hand at a gun.
Fasting while standing in line at a restaurant without any food or drink.
Being kicked out of a restaurant for holding a sign with the word ‘Fuck.’
Being told that you’re ‘too old’ and ‘too fat.’
Getting fired for using a credit card at a friend’s wedding.
Fearing being fired because you didn’t show up to work.
Getting a tattoo of a dog’s head on your arm.
Facing off against an entire platoon of police officers at a barbecue.
Fending off an attack by your mother with a knife.
Fumbling with a gun while walking down the street.
Fiddling with a pair of scissors while walking home from work.
Firing a gun into the air while standing on your front porch.
Frying your own food.
Being caught with a fake cigarette in your pocket.
Fitting an empty beer can into your pocket before a party, then lying about it. 52.
Taking the subway without paying your fare.
Fleeing a scene with a woman when you know she’s there.
Flinging money around in a crowded subway station.
Fingering a gun in someone’s face.
Fidgeting on a table while talking to a waiter.
Fainting at the wheel while on a public bus.
Farting while driving.
Focusing on a woman while walking the dog.
Frowning when someone is talking to you.
Fuzzing on your phone while driving and then getting out of the car without saying anything.
Fading in and out of your seat while talking on the phone.
Fishing for fish while driving a boat. 64. F